Overcoming The Past

I looked at myself lately thinking I lost something special when all life was teaching me was to “prepare.” I had high hopes of making it last, the many nights of prayer only turned into God replacing it with something greater.

Sometimes we have to let things go for better to come ..

I had no intentions of running into you but as life passes by opportunities flow in. You were certainly my best “offer.” For hours we sit and talk about anything, you’re open & honest I could tell you anything.

Now as I watch you lay I smile and become weak. Your smile, those white teeth is always the highlight of my day. You reassure me to keep going, you challenge me when I feel defeated. You uplift me when I feel beaten. I’m thinking God took his time with you.

My love languages you fulfill, at times I have to look at my hands and ensure that I’m human. I never thought my desires would come true. Here I am watching those around me receive the love that always lacked me but as I begin to work on myself you appeared, stepped in, and accepted all of me.

Flaws & All ..

With you I’m calm, with you I’m patient, with you I’m understanding, with you I’m nurturing, as I lay in your arms the presence of comfort and peace surrounds you.

I feel safe with you, in you I feel whole I feel complete. I honor you I value who you are, thank you for being everything they never were, someone like you is rare to come by.

To Be Continued….

https://anchor.fm/courtney-dillard/episodes/Sex-ISNT-just-Sex-e1vt5t7

As I end my vacation I’ve certainly had a great week filled with love encountering new people and overall having this overflow of peace.

This time with myself has helped my mental. I hiked, went to the gym 2x a day, journaled, and attended leadership meetings.

The day I hiked I placed my feet into the waters and meditated to the sounds of the waters flowing through the creek. I allowed peace in as I inhaled and exhaled manifesting great moments to come.

“That moment was time itself, I’m learning to value my moments more…”

I was asked a lot of why did I take an early vacation but truth is we all need some time alone to refocus and get back into alignment.

I remember typing the blog about my vacation beginning and now I’m typing it has came to an end. Did you see how time has passed? So swiftly right?

“Time is free, but it’s priceless. You can’t own it, but you can use it. You can’t keep it, but you can spend it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.” – Harvey Mackay

A great quote I always took in about the passing of time. So what are you doing with your time? These are moments we can’t get back. Your moments should be filled with moments that create memories and surrounded with those you see purpose with.

Today’s therapy session we covered how to bring peace into a relationship. I wanted to share some things in hopes of helping more women step into their most calm era. This was an area I struggled in but as I’ve evaluated some things I’ve learned it’s okay to ease the tension and show affection.

You really do not have to nag the life out of a man that has chosen to love and cherish you.

The woman in a relationship – should be a calming force to their man’s life and provide him with an escape from the harsh realities of this world.

Ways to give a man stability:

1. Love him dearly and always express it. Let him know you’re always his number one fan.

2. Respect him and all that pertains to him. Respect is one of the greatest needs of men. As a matter of fact, they value their self respect more than they value the things of the heart.

3. Appreciate his efforts no matter how little they may seem. You never can tell how much sacrifice he makes just to see you happy and comfortable.

4. Never look down on him. Hold him in a very high regard and never give others the opportunity to look down on him.

5. Resist the urge to talk back at him especially when he’s angry. You can always come back when he’s in a better mood and then talk things over.

When talking things over, address him in a proper and calm tone. Talk like a well-mannered lady that you really are.

6. Listen attentively to him. Allow him express himself too and listen while he talks. There’s no communication without attention.

7. Pamper him. Praise him when he does things for you. Infact, even for no reason, surprise him with gifts too.

8. Make sweet and passionate love to him when he needs it. Ease him off the stress and tension of the day’s activity. It has a subsconscious effect on the mind in terms of relaxation.

9. Give him some space whenever the need arises. It helps him unwind, clear his head, and reason out solutions to problems.

10. Always Pray For Him. Stand in the gap for him at all times. Be his backbone. Be that woman that tirelessly intercedes for her man. Always commit his endeavours into the hands of the Almighty and watch Him protect, guide, provide and of course, bless your man abundantly in all things.

Remember that a loving peaceful relationship is one in which both partners accept each other for all of their flaws and mistakes, and support each other unconditionally. Do your best to care for your partner, but never forget your needs and desires.

Attending that church service as I normally do and never knowing the flow of service just happy to be in the atmosphere and be in God’s presence. It was after worship they switched things up and up front there was a cross with a table in front.

On that table there were pins to attach index cards as we write some things down to place at the cross. A broken woman I was knowing this was my time I walked to the front ready to let go of it all.

There as I stood writing down everything I could think of the past traumas, anger, resentment, abandonment, self doubt, unforgiveness & etc… I cried ready to release and I told myself I’m ready I then pinned my card and told God I give it all to you.

1 Peter 5:7 NLT

“ Give all your worries and cares to God, for he cares about you.”

In this verse it’s plain and clear that’s exactly what God wants of us to place every and anything at his feet. He’s letting us know he’ll handle it all. Immediately you lay those worries before God, they are no more your responsibilities.

After 7 years of being single and what I thought was healed made me realize I wasn’t and to be honest I then heard it from someone else of the work that I needed to do within myself so on Feb 2nd I found a therapist to guide me along this process.

There were times I would get angry and think of the times I was choked or the nails that was pressed into my skin which left me bruised. The times I heard I was fat and I wasn’t a good mother. It was those things that always carried me through thinking how could one treat me so cold. Maybe those words stuck with me every so often that I actually believed them about myself.

No one knew what I was battling I always pretend to be happy to avoid the question of being asked “what’s wrong?”

I always said to myself I don’t need therapy God is my therapist, as I humble myself and speak I can now speak and say therapy is the one keeping me together. I’ve never been able to release so much but feel so good about myself. I even feel the change within me.

Lately I’ve been feeling whole and now my reaction to certain things are different. I wanted to blog today to only let others know it’s okay to go through something but you must find a solution to let go of the enemies lie. If not you’ll only bring more damage to yourself and you’ll be living a lie as if I was.

I always thought I was happy but this is now my happy place. Although I still have more to work on within me, therapy is actually cool. You’re talking to someone who understands you and doesn’t judge your circumstances. This will truly help me as I continue to fulfill my purpose.

“Don’t let life pass you by staying stuck in that empty season …”

I want to be the best woman, wife, mother, sister, daughter, grand daughter, niece you name it. A healed woman I am, a healed woman I will be. You must help yourself to be better if not you’ll only receive a life of destruction and missed opportunities.

My message to you:

Do not let the words of others dictate how you view yourself. Do not let the words of others cause your value to decrease within yourself. Do not let the words of others cause you to want to bring harm amongst yourself. In life people will have their own opinion about you and well that’s just that, “THEIR” opinion! What are some things you can do to break that curse you’ve been believing? How can you bring the deepest level of happiness to yourself? I encourage you all to find ways to tap into your unique self and understand the true value you hold.

I realize when you’re happy in life the enemy will always try to shine light over your past and take you back down to that path of destruction. I certainly left the light on and forgot to hit the switch but not this go around I’m well prepared to know the tricks and schemes. As I hear often people say “Not Today Satan” I say it loud and clear. You will not defeat me, the switch is now off!

Usually on a Sunday I’d grab a quick bite to eat after church but this Sunday I felt like whipping something up. My family knows me well to know that my laziness with cooking is at an all time high. It’s not that I don’t know how to cook but buying is much convenient.

Today I wanted to do something quick and simple so I made dinner for me and my son. In fact the meal was so delicious we went back for seconds. I thought to myself I should’ve gotten more.

This is not a normal for me but I’m learning to break out the shell of procrastinating and let my actions take full effect. In fact I’ll spill you in on a little secret, cooking is now becoming my new favorite hobby!

I plan to unwind the rest of my evening, sip a glass of wine, and maybe sit here the whole entire week (just kidding.) Overall I’ve enjoyed my Sunday and I pray you all find joy in the mist of your day ❤️.

“Sundays are for family, food, relaxation & wine…”

After a long week of work my vacation has officially started. I’ve worked myself like crazy this week and dreaded for this time to come. I’ve been challenging myself to go in early to only end up working late. I call myself trying to stay busy to regain focus when I may have been overdoing things lately.

Normally when people take vacation they go on VACATION! Not me this time I plan to reset, restore, and renew myself. I look forward to doing a week of absolutely nothing but the gym. I think I may be even more excited to cut off my alarms for the week.

I look forward to enjoying some time with myself and for each day I’ve planned some things for me to do. Like spa day, movie day, and I’ve even included hiking. This is my first year not flying anywhere and being home while I vacate but it wouldn’t be life if I didn’t encounter this change.

Hope you all stay safe and have a great weekend, all next week is me time so I won’t blog for the next week. I thank you all for supporting me from all over the world. I hope to share more when I return.

With ❤️

-Courtney

Feminine energy is all of the nurturing traits it takes to connect to human beings in a meaningful and fulfilling way. It’s compassionate, kind, empathetic, patient and emotional.

I was always this tough woman afraid to let her guard up. The thought always occurred that the next would always treat me like the last. I asked God to send me a great man and this and that but never did I pray and ask of him to prepare me so once he sent me what I asked I couldn’t manage it.

I never was put in a situation where I had to cook and be a woman to a man. In my household I play mom and dad so my masculine and feminine tendencies both align and go head to head.

I don’t think I realized how serious it was until I was put in a situation to make me reevaluate some things. Life knocked the wind out of me while I was left grasping for air. God humbled me real quick and eventually I realized I wasn’t as tough as I thought.

“A mistake that makes us humble is better than an achievement that makes us arrogant.” — Unknown

A woman will try to play hard but deep down she’s vulnerable and not as strong. It’s her mind that projects her to play this tough role when deep down all she desires is someone to take the weight off her shoulders.

Tonight was a night for new beginnings for me. I realized it’s okay to be the woman God intended me to be. That guard that’s been weighing on me it’s okay to ease it up a bit. It’s okay to have a little affection towards someone.

In my head I’m thinking “Girl allow someone in and don’t be as hard on yourself…”

I’ve had a chance to redo things as if what I currently faced didn’t prepare me. Here I am cooking and washing being this woman I should’ve allowed myself to be to someone. This may just be the fresh start I needed being that I’ve been given a second chance.

I admit it feels awkward but I’m allowing myself to flourish more. I had a hard time over the years and allowed the past to hinder me but now I’m more submissive. I’m able to now understand that I must be open and willing to accept the change, if not the same results will occur.

To any single woman who hasn’t dated in years I encourage you to give love a try. Don’t hold one accountable for what happened in your past. If he’s worth it, give it a chance! Don’t cause confusion instead be a man’s peace! Value him, appreciate him, and respect him.

What I once thrived in I have now released. I’m happy and proud of me. I love this new era! I never thought this change would take place but most importantly I thank God for allowing the challenges I’ve faced to mold me into who I am created to be.

a number of experiences or achievements that a person hopes to have or accomplish during their lifetime.

Today was suppose to be an off day full of relaxation where I do absolutely nothing today. A special friend of mine asked me just days ago what were some things I wanted to do but just haven’t done.

As weird as it sounds I’ve always wanted to ride a motorcycle. My dad loved motorcycles in fact that was actually the cause of his death. I wanted to feel what it was like and why he had a passion for something that has two wheels lol. I placed this on my bucket list for things I want to complete.

In the beginning I was very hesitant and nearly feared taking that risk but once I redirected the negative thoughts I figured it’s only a ride. Go for it!

This morning I was sent a location to park my car and asked how would I love to scratch off one thing on my bucket list. As nervous as I was to say yes! I was filled with excitement but yet anxious at the same time. In the Bible it tells us to be anxious for nothing but give thanks for everything.

This is definitely a moment I’ll always cherish and be thankful for. I can’t wait to get a feel of the wind and inhale all life has to offer.

“What I once had fear of doing I now have confidence to fulfill…”

Life isn’t promised so fill your life with things you see true value in and not just the temporary. It’s always fun to create memories. If you haven’t write down some things you want to complete. Remember anything is possible!

You never know who will be placed in your life to help you get a jump start to share those experiences with you. I look forward to enjoying my day and praying I’m blessed to accomplish many more.

Motorcycle ride ✅